TEST MATCH STEREOTYPES
With Test match cricket soon upon us in England, let’s take a look at the types of people you may meet when visiting the cricket.
The older chap
These men are dotted around the crowd but your most common older chap will be found sat in the members only zone wearing his MCC hat, tie and blazer, they will want to remind you as much as possible that they are in fact a member of the MCC. If they haven’t told you, you will be able to spot them from the other side of the ground as they wear bright yellow and red blazers.
Morning newspaper reader
This spectator has been watching the cricket all his life, he is now a member to a county side and watches as many Tests as possible. He will spend the morning session catching up on news by reading his paper.
The cricket tragic
This bloke tends to talk a lot. He will be seen wearing an earpiece that allows him to follow the game more precisely. Quite frankly he will know anything from past, present and future of most teams, any cricketing facts this man will know. Unnecessarily he will lean in to tell you his next fact, he might even try to teach you how to bowl leg spin. If you end up sat next to this person be warned you’re in for a long days play of cricket.
Fancy dress merchants
If you’re not a cricket fan or don’t watch Test match cricket you might be a bit confused seeing 100s of different people dressed up as anything from a dinosaur to a lobster. But why? Honestly I don’t know why, but it’s tradition. Realistically it was a bunch of fellas who decided it would be funny to dress as a group of bananas and get ‘plastered’. You’re find these characters starting beer snakes, a beer snake (for those who don’t know) is the stacking of many plastic beer cups to form a ‘snake.’ In some cases beer snakes have reached up to 175 metres. Don’t be surprised when a group of Mr Blobbys’ starts screaming abuse from behind you.
There for the piss up
Following on from the fancy dress merchants who also fit into this category, this person only turns up to the cricket to get, well… what some people might say ‘sloshed’. In fact quite a few people fit into this category. What better way to spend a warm summers day than having a few pints with some mates. Well actually… probably more than a few pints. If your sat in front of someone having ‘a few pints’ I do apologise but you may have to wash the stickiness out of your hair later that evening, don’t be surprised when they spill some beer on you. But then again who else is going to bring the atmosphere to Test cricket?
Mr and Mrs scorer
This couple tends to be in their mid-60s. You will find them with a score book, comparing scores with one another after each over. They simply enjoy the cricket and will bring a pack lunch in their cool bag, that most likely will be branded to one of the English county sides. A cool pack will keep their pork pies fresh for the lunch break.
The parent with kids
This dad will be in his early 40s and will be accompanied by his two kids. He’s at the cricket as kids tickets are cheaper and honestly it’s a great excuse to get away from the Mrs for the day. He likes cricket but honestly he just wants to get out the house, you’re only see him on the weekend days of the Test.
Kid with the bat
This kid may be connected to the 40 year old dad. But more often than not your find many kids holding miniature cricket bats. The aim is to get as many signatures as possible on this small bat. unfortunately more often than not they won’t know who is signing their bat unless it’s Joe Root or Ben Stokes.
The reluctant fan
This might be their very first Test match. Normally but not always they have been dragged along by their cricket enthusiastic son and husband. They quite enjoy watching their son play on a Saturday for the under 10s as they get to catch up with other mothers and gossip. But here they are a bit out of their depth, they will sit most of the day on edge worried about what Mr Blobby might say to her. But she puts on a brave face as she loves her son and if he wants her there she will be there for him.
Mr Binoculars
This fan is a peaceful watcher. They bring their expensive binoculars to each Test getting a clear view of the action, although you do sometimes question what they are actually looking at ……
The common fan
The common fan is the most ‘normal’ stereotype we have, they love playing cricket and watching cricket. Unfortunately they don’t go to watch many Test matches as now days it’s impossible to get tickets as a non-member. They are also a committed member to their own local club as they have been playing there since the age of 5. They play every Saturday no matter how many times they get a duck. You might find this person wearing an England cap and they might be joined by one other friend in a similar hat. All in all the common fan is a great example of English cricket culture a key part of the cricketing world.
The beach ball
Finally we come to the beach ball, this isn’t actually a person. The huge inflatable beach ball is a common occurrence at an English Test, it will usually end up on the pitch and it will be confiscated by security. But when an army of people dressed up in anything from a pig to a banana attempt to reclaim this beach ball expect there to be a roar from the crowd when an English player manages to convince the security to give it back. Nobody knows who actually brings this huge inflatable beach ball, but if you haven’t been to a Test match before, expect to see one.
I hope this helps if you are expecting to go to a Test match this summer or is relatable if you have already been.